While realizing that many
families are forced to earn two incomes to survive, many
others have chosen this route to support higher standards of
living. Many of the latter, and perhaps some of the former,
have not fully considered either the financial or the
intangible costs of this situation. We will examine a
traditional family where mom's income is the second income and
young children are part of the family.
While this paper points to many disadvantages of two income
families, the author recognizes that many moms find great
satisfaction in working some time outside of the home. This
can be healthy for her and the family. This paper is meant to
address the situation where mom's income is required to pay
basic bills, she dislikes her job, or works more than she (or
the kids) would like.
Intangible Costs
Much has been written on
calculating the net take home pay of a second income. Usually
the amount it adds towards the family situation after the
added expense is less than might be expected. There are
several web calculators available to help determine this. One
of them can be found at
http://www.crown.org/Tools/mommake.asp. What many folks
have not considered are the intangible costs of obtaining a
second income.
Stress of mom - This is pretty obvious. Many articles
have been written about the impossible expectations placed on
"super moms" who work outside of home and take care of a
family. Studies show that they still do the majority of the
housework. I won't spend much time on this because most
families understand this. What folks may not consider is the
effects this has on the rest of the family.
Stress of dad - Dads already live 10 years less than
moms. When mom is working, Dad is expected to do more of the
home responsibilities. Whether Dad helps out a lot or not,
both spouses have increased stress. Mom does most of work and
expresses frustration about the lack of help, or dad does help
a lot (which increases his stress) and still hears a certain
amount of frustration from mom. Either way, he probably does
not find time to exercise, join golf clubs, or volunteer his
time. One of men's top needs is recreation. If he fills this
need, this can increase mom's frustration and the home
environment suffers. A mom who is stressed out has a great
impact on the peace of dad and the kids. Men have a built in
desire to see happiness in their wives. Even though they may
seem to ignore mom's complaints about the state of the house
or running kids around, the husband takes on much of the
wife's stress internally. Sometimes this manifests itself in
health problems. Instead of coming home to a house where the
kids are fed, the work is done, and
mom is relaxed, he comes to home to tired kids who are not
fed, lots of housework to be done (or frustration about the
housework from mom), mom is tense (and doesn't feel like
cooking), and a bunch of personal business still has to be
attended to (shopping, kids sports, bills, etc..).
Saturday becomes errand day taking away 4 of your 8 days off a
month if you don't work any weekends.
Stress of children - Many families in this situation start
the day before 6:00 a.m. so the kids start with a lack of
sleep. Kids need 10 - 12 hours in the early years. They are
probably getting 7 - 9 hours in this case. The parents are
often not back at home with kids until after 6:00 p.m.
provided no sports or clubs are involved. For proper sleep
they barely have time to eat. Most likely they still stay up
until 9:00 or so. Note that the kids are basically pulling 12
hours days. Kids often experience just as much stress in a
daycare environment as parents do in the work environment.
They are dealing with separation from
parents every day well before they normally would (at age 5).
Parents who are very tired also may be very impatient with
them. They are dealing with adults all day and may expect
their kids to be adults. The teenagers may take on much of
the running kids around. Kids are also much affected by dad
and mom expressions of frustration to each other. Note how
many diseases or social issues in children (ADD, ADHD,
depression, juvenile delinquency, lower SAT scores) have gone
up about the same rate as more families have moved to two
incomes. I would like to see some research on this.
Note that having a bunch of stuff itself adds to stress.
Denting the door of a $20,000 vehicle is much more frustrating
then on a 1982 Caravan. People experience stress every time
they park a $20,000 vehicle in a public place.
Health - Today 43% of all adults suffer adverse health
effects due to stress. 75-90% of all visits to primary care
physicians have something to do with stress-related issues or
disorders according to the American Institute of Stress.
Stress has been linked to all the leading causes of death,
including heart disease, cancer, lung ailments, accidents,
cirrhosis, and suicide. Note that the stress level of every
family member is affected for two income Jones. 1 in 3 working
adults get less than 6 ˝ hours of sleep during the week. When
mom and dad both work they tend to eat out much more often.
This leads to poor eating habits for all members of the
family. The likelihood of maintaining an exercise program is
decreased immensely for all members of the family. This cost
is real and usually not considered.
Time - Time is the one thing which is perfectly fair for all.
We all have the same amount of time to invest each year. We
can't buy any extra, we can't lose any, we can't save it. The
question is how is it invested. It can be spent building
marriages, families, church, and community or it can be spent
gaining stuff. Most two-income families spend a lot more time
and money on stuff whether they intend to or not. How many
families do you know that went out and bought a new car or new
house (on credit) shortly after entering the two-income
world? How many of these families increased their time
volunteering in the church or community after entering the
two-income world?
Summary - Many good families do try to overcome the "just get
more stuff" habit and they spend quality time with the kids by
putting them in multiple evening sports or clubs. This is
often an attempt have the high standard of living and make up
for the loss of time. They may not realize that they are
expending more intangibles though. This involves a lot of
eating out, less sleep, less organized house, less alone time
for mom and dad, less recreation for parents, and kids pulling
some 16 hour days. The intangible costs may eventually add up
to divorce, adult health problems, or major problems in the
teenage years. As in most areas of life, you can't have it
all, and can't get more without paying for it.
What are the options in this scenario?
Many Americans cannot fathom the thought of reducing their
"standard of living" which is usually defined by home size,
cars, spending money, home entertainment systems, back to
school clothes, etc... The surest (and perhaps only) way to
get to one income for many families is to look at reducing
their cost of living which means changing their standard of
living. Note that this does not man your quality of living is
reduced. Children's treasured family memories do not usually
include things the family owned but times the family spent
together.
Step 1 - Families who want to work toward one income
living should list all of their essential and non-essential
costs each month. Non-essential costs should include (newer
cars (vs. older cars), cell phones, high-speed internet,
credit card payments, investments) These bills have to be
paid, but if you did not have the stuff you bought with the
credit
card, or had less expensive cars, or no cell phone, or fewer
investments, you can still survive.
Step 2 - Determine which bills can be paid with the
first income (starting with essential bills) and which ones
require the second income. If these are all non-essential
items, then you simply start working those items off. Cancel
the high-speed internet, cell phone, and some investments.
Use investment money (or internet and cell phone payments) to
pay off the credit card(s) until you can pay bills on one
income.
One of the biggies in my experience has been cars. Two new or
mostly new cars can cost $500 to $1000 per month after adding
gas, maintenance, and insurance. By contrast, having two
older (paid off) used cars that are self-maintained and have
only liability insurance can be as low as $200 -$400 per
month. This alone often accounts for the "need" of the second
income after subtracting taxes and expenses of gaining the
second income.
If the second income is still paying some essential bills then
you must look at reducing your essential expenses. Use the
wood stove, get smaller trash cans, hang out clothes to dry,
reduce long distance calling, fix your own cars, do it
yourself home repairs, buy used things. This may sound like
extra work, but remember that the time spent doing these
things is no where near 40 hours per week, plus commute time,
for mom and the kids (kids often pull 9 - 12 hour days).
These things are all done at home, perhaps with the kids, and
men usually find satisfaction in accomplishing their own home
and car repairs.
You may have to consider getting a smaller house or moving to
a different area. This sounds drastic but consider the stress,
health, and time you gain. Most family memories are about
doing things together and not the big house we lived in, cars
we drove, or clothes we wore.
Step 3 - As soon as you can pay the bills with one
income, start practicing. Put the second income in savings
and pay the bills with the first income. The savings account
can be used to pay extra things like paying a credit card down
or for investments. After a few months of this you can drop
the second income to part-time or temporary work. You should
start feeling immediate benefits to all of the intangibles
mentioned above and can decide whether to decrease the second
income even more or dropping it altogether.
In Conclusion
Mom generally sets the stress tone for the rest of the
family. She keeps the house and kids in order whether working
or not. When the home is not in order, mom does not feel in
order and every member of the family will feel the tension.
It is important that she enjoys her work inside and outside
the home. If the latter is affecting the former then every
effort should be made to remedy the situation for the sake of
everyone in the family.
Mom may enjoy doing some work outside the home but she should
feel completely free to reduce, change, or drop this work at
any time without bearing the stress of bills going unpaid.
Security is her number one need and dad should fulfill it for
her if possible.
I am glad to take the occasional frustration of working on my
old cars and having a small house in order to gain health and
happiness. Try it and you may well experience lower stress,
better health, more time, and happier family members.
One Income Dad of Three
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article is copyrighted by the author. All Rights Reserved. No part
of this article may be reprinted without permission of the author.
©Copyright 2003
