Three Safeguards Against Adultery
Staying strong in your marriage commitment – even
through the fire!
By Paula Friedrichsen
I loved my new church! It was
vibrant, exciting and on the cutting edge. The minister was a
talented and charismatic speaker and singer, the church was
growing and impacting the community, and I felt so blessed to be
a part of it all!
We had just relocated to this quaint little
town in Northern California because my husband was starting a
new job. Although my husband was not a Christian at that time,
he was supportive of my desire to get involved in my new
church. And it didn’t take long before I was participating in
many different aspects of ministry, such as heading up the
nursery program, planning retreats for the ladies and even
teaching occasionally when called upon.
During this time I developed a close
relationship with my minister and his wife among others in the
church body. We would all get together after the Sunday night
service and go to a local restaurant, enjoying lively
conversation and Christian companionship. There were many times
when I would call my husband just before we went, to see if he
minded my going. I could hear in his voice that he just wanted
me home and was feeling left out, buy I chose to do my own
thing.
As time progressed I found that I received
enormous pleasure and acceptance in my relationship with the
minister. He became a close friend and mentor and I found
myself flattered by his attention and friendship, feeling a type
of approval that I had never known. We began talking on the
phone regularly, expanding our relationship beyond the usual
get-togethers with our mutual friends.
There came a turning point one hot July
afternoon. My little boy was napping and I was having my daily
phone conversation with the minister, when he stepped over the
line. He revealed his interest in me as more then just a friend
and so began the worst season of our lives. This romantic
involvement quickly progressed to an ugly, out of control
situation, involving my husband and the entire church.
As you can imagine, my husband was furious,
his only consolation being that nothing had happened sexually
between the minister and myself. And believe it or not, it was
around this time that my husband became my best friend! As
blame, accusations and rumors were being tossed around town like
hand grenades, my husband was a shelter for me, becoming a
steady source of comfort and forgiveness.
Safeguards for Marriage
In hindsight I see three major safeguards
that I bypassed. If you find yourself tempted by a too-close
friendship with a man other then your husband – I believe the
following safeguards may be helpful:
1. Trust your
husband’s judgment
God intended that my husband would be so
much more then “my other half”. He is my protector, many times
seeing another man’s unrighteous intentions long before I do.
He was never comfortable with my close friendship with the
minister and while I felt it was okay because it was under the
guise of “church” he was always wary. Men know how other
men operate, just like women know how other women
operate. Trust your man!
2. In
transparency there can be restoration
Restoration could only come when I became
completely honest with my husband, bringing the whole, ugly
situation out into the light. And now, if I ever find myself
becoming secretive or evasive, I know its time to tell
him all that’s going on in my life.
3. There is
safety in accountability
One of the greatest ploys of the devil is
to divide and separate us from the rest of the body of Christ.
As I entered into this romantic friendship with my minister
I became more and more secretive and isolated, no longer making
myself accountable to my close friends. Which is exactly why it
is so important to keep a network of good Christian friends that
are allowed access into our lives – trustworthy girlfriends that
we can pray with and tell absolutely anything too.
Trust, transparency, and accountability
– three safeguards for a happy marriage!
Paula Friedrichsen is available to speak
at your church or ladies retreat. Contact her by visiting her
web-site at:
www.PFMinistries.com or 760-935-4295
This
article is copyrighted by the author. All Rights Reserved. No
part of this article may be reprinted without permission of the
author.
©Copyright 2004
|
