by Nita Hammersmith

Who do we want our daughters to marry? Who do we want our sons to marry? I believe the single most important decision we will ever make in life, after choosing to obey our Lord, is choosing who will be our mate for life.

Choosing a mate is a decision that should be made carefully, prayerfully, and very seriously. Yet, we neglect teaching our children how to go about this difficult decision.

In Titus 2: 3-5 the Bible says, "The older women likewise that they be reverent in behavior, not slanders, not given to much wine, teacher of good things -that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed." Clearly Paul instructs Titus to teach the members of the church how to behave as God would have them.

As older women in the church we are charged to be responsible for preparing the young women for marriage. But do we? We need to revisit this part of our walk with God. When I was growing up I was taught to be a good wife and cook good meals, but I was not taught about being a good Christian wife until I studies and learned for myself. And like so many of us I was not taught how to choose a husband.

Sure, there are plenty of older women who will gladly give advice after we are married but all I have heard before marriage is marry a Christian man. That is not good enough any more. We teach our children not to marry unless he is a Christian and what happens is our daughters say to the man the think they can't live without that he has to become a Christian or they can't get married. Then he gets baptized, for her, not to put on his Lord. What are daughters and many of us have is counterfeit Christian husbands.

The world is fast becoming like Sodom and Gomorrah. Every kind of immoral act of the flesh are present in today's world. Pornography is the fastest growing entertainment for mean in the world today. Most certainly, here in the United States. Everywhere we look on TV we see sex being displayed on the channels our children watch. Living single is the rave of the decade. Pornography has raised its ugly head in Christian homes and our men are so taken with it that they will lie, cheat, and steal to take a peek. It is adultery! Our Lord said in Matthew 5: 27-28, "You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not commit adultery." But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Some of our husbands are addicted to pornography and we need to teach our daughters how to take care of their husbands so he will look only at her and keep his wife of his youth.

Our young women, not to mention the older women who are looking, should be equipped with God's tools for finding a good mate.

There are warning signs for us to look for to keep us away from abusive relationships before it is too late. We need to teach our young women what to look out for.

Marriages are failing in the church almost as fast as in the world. We need to teach our sons and daughters how to choose a mate, so they will not become a statistic. We can not afford to leave this important subject out for a chance happening.

If marriages are to last until death do they part we the older women in God's church need to play and active role in teaching our children what to look for in a mate, what is expected in marriage, what submissiveness means, and why divorce is not an option. Malachi 2: 15-16 Say, "But did He not make them one, having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one?

 He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. "For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce. For it covers one's garment with violence," say the Lord of host. "Therefore take heed to your spirit that you do not deal treacherously." God hates divorce and we, the parents, should teach our children before they get married.

Here is a letter from God to your son or daughter if only they could wait on God.            

"God's Plan For Your Life"

Everyone longs to give himself completely to someone…to have a deep soul relationship with another…to be loved thoroughly and completely. But God to a Christian say, "No not until you are satisfied, fulfilled, and content with being loved by Me alone - with giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me: to having and intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone; discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found -will you be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you.

"You will never be united with another until you are united with Me… exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan that there is…one that you cannot imagine.

"I want you to have the best; please allow Me to bring it to you. You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things. Keep listening and learning the things I tell you. Just wait, that's all. Don't be anxious. Do not worry. Do not look around at the things others have, or that I have given them. Do not look at things you think you want. Jus t keep looking to Me, or you will miss what I want to show you. Then, when you are ready, I will surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you could dream of.

"You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready (I am working even at this moment to have both of you ready at the same time), until you both are satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I have prepared for both of you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me. This is perfect love.

"Dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in your marriage a picture of My relationship with you, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection, and love that I offer you with Myself. Know that I love you unconditionally. Believe it and be satisfied."   ~ Author Unknown ~ 

The subject of marriage and divorce is a controversial subject because we all defend the position of our mistake rather than God's position. Who our sons and daughters marry is something we can not control, but educating them about what God says will help them make a wise decision and help them find the right mate.

Check out Nita's book “How To Choose a Mate for life,” It is written for junior high girls and older. It is a book that teaches young women how to choose a mate. Choosing a mate is one of the  most important decisions we will ever make in our lives and most of us leave it to chance and hope it will work out. This book explains how to identify if a young man is abusive, it explains the statistics on getting sexually transmitted diseases, why you should stay pure, what is expected in marriage, what submissiveness is, and why divorce is not an option. It is best used in a group study setting as in a women’s Bible Class with all the single women and mothers present to share with your young women their experiences throughout the class. This book can be used in a teenage study or private study. visit http://nitahammersmith.com

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