Are You A Good Example?

By Angela Y. Holloway

The responsibilities of a wife and/or mother can overwhelm us at times.  We often question, “Am I doing enough?”  “Will all of this effort be for naught?”  “I do not want to follow Christ in vain, how can I meet the expectations of God’s law?”  These are perfectly good questions, however, they shouldn’t be questionable as we study, learn, and grow from God’s word.  How do you know if you meet God’s expectations for you?  Are you displaying the characteristics of a Christian?  Let’s first examine why women were created.  We read about the need for a woman in Genesis 2:18, “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”  What does God mean by “meet”?  By “meet” God means, “To create someone fit to compliment His most majestic creation.”  This is what binds the matrimony between male and female.  God instituted this union, sanctioned its purpose, and joined them together.  In Genesis 2:24, the Bible reads, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

I’ve seen great examples of a godly wife in the church, and I’ve also experienced some terrible examples.  I’ve had the advantage of serving in or visiting several congregations.  As a novice in Christ, I observed a preacher’s wife as an example to follow.  I thought we were to be examples to one another, just as Christ is our example.  As I cultivated my relationship with God’s word, I began to discern that she was not the example to follow.  One Sunday she was instructed by her husband (the preacher) to do something in particular for him.  The wife rolled her eyes in the back of her head, and reluctantly got up from her pew, and with a loud sigh she walked down the aisle.  I felt embarrassed for the preacher, and disappointed in her attitude.  She exposed her disobedience to several members and visitors. 

As I continued in my endeavor to learn about being a Christian, the ladies at that congregation began to study on the behaviors of a godly wife.  My eagerness and enthusiasm quickly diminished after a few classes.  Needless to say, by the middle of our study, I was not interested in ever being married given all of the tiresome responsibilities, bitterness, and disappointments these women complained about toward their husbands idiosyncrasies.  Unfortunately, the preacher’s wife primarily taught the class, and her influence affected the hearts of other weak Christians who followed her opinions.  Although a preacher’s wife is not above law, no one is.  In 1Corinthians 4:6, the Bible reads, “And these things, brethren, I have in a figure transferred to myself and to Apollos for your sakes; that ye might learn in us not to think of men above that which is written, that no one of you be puffed up for one against another.”  Some wives are placed in a special position because of the nobility of their husband’s work.  It’s group dynamics in rare form, and just like any position we hold, we must esteem our high calling as an honor.   

            In living our life, we can easily loose sight of the attitude we should have in any relationship, especially the one with our spouse.  Having a cantankerous husband can be discouraging to a Christian woman striving in the faith.  However, if she is steadfast in obtaining her crown of glory, she could win her husband to Christ.  In 1 Peter 3:1, the Bible reads, “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives.”  This also serves as a caveat to women with unfaithful spouses whose attendance and work in the Lord’s church have failed.  Your submission and diligence to being a good example holds the same value and influence on his desire to be won by God’s word.

I had the pleasure of knowing a wonderful Christian woman whose husband opposed her attending church.  Although this was his attitude, he respected her desire to serve the Lord.  She was converted from Catholicism, and truly desired the sincere milk of God’s word (1 Peter 2:2).  She had two children at a very influential age, and it discouraged her at times to have them experience the division of faith in their home.  Although she encountered those stumbling blocks, this Christian woman was faithful in her attendance.  I would occasionally see her after services tapping people on their shoulders, and quietly asking if she could bring them food, read to them, or simply visit with them during the day.  She was a homemaker that believed in making the best of her time here on earth. 

God expects us to perform at our optimal best.  In Ecclesiastes 9:10, the Bible reads, “Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest.”  I have a sister who led her husband to Christ because of her faithfulness, conversation, and love toward her husband and children.  At the time of her challenges, she was also influencing me to become a Christian, simply by her way of living in Christ.  This must have been a laborious task for her, having affected so many lives with one light (Matthew 5:16).  In 1 Corinthians 15:58, the Bible reads, “Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.”  She knew the Lord, and trusted His words.  Her unmovable zeal motivated her husband and myself to obey the gospel of Christ. 

Why do pressing circumstances impel us to be faithful servants of Christ?  Before slavery was abolished, black men and women valued the family unit.  Sundays were never defined as a day to mow the lawn, wash the cars, or take the children to the zoo.  The Lord’s Day was sacred, holy, and respected by more than many.  Families ceased all chores, and spent the day drawing closer to God and their families.  In all of their oppression, they found solace in giving God thanks (Ephesians 5:20).  Serving God during this oppression was the opulent lifestyle, and this should also be our attitude as Christians.  As God has blessed us to evolve from that physical enslavement, some still turn to the bondage of sin.  Families have desecrated the unity of Christ in the homes, and have given all authority and worship to the devil.  If you are not honoring the Lord in your service, then you have made a full commitment to obey Satan.  In Matthew 6:24, the Bible reads, “No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.”   To our misfortune, this is the generation of today: unholy servants of Satan.  Have you decided whom you will serve?  In Joshua 24:15, the Bible reads, “And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve.”  Make the most of your high calling!  Be a light to this lost sin sick world!  Be a help meet for your husband!  Guard your heart and your home, and run this race with all diligence and patience! 

To fulfill the role of a wife, you must be in a position to provide the help.  A simple “I do” or “yes” concluding the exchanging of wedding vows is just the beginning.   A wife must help her husband in being hospitable to others, extending love and care to neighbors, and provide a clean, safe habitation.  In Proverbs 31:11, the Bible reads, “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.”  The virtuous woman labored to the extent that her husband was filled with all the goodness she provided to him and her household.  Our conversation and appearance must also meet God’s standard of approval.  In 1 Peter 3:2-4, the Bible reads, “While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.  Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel.  But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.  Our physical appearance as well as the manner of our home speaks more vividly than our words. 

My husband and I ventured in our search for a home to purchase.  We hired a real-estate agent, and leaped into this experience with bells on.  Nothing could invade our euphoria in looking for our first home together.  At least that’s what we thought until we began to view the inside of the homes for sale.  We guessed about 98% of the homes we viewed were unclean, filthy, and simply disappointing.  The exteriors of the homes were inviting, but the interiors were inhabitable.  We should have informed our agent that we were satisfied with sleeping on some of the front porches of these homes given the stench and terrible conditions on the inside.  I was mainly astonished to see how so many people did not care for their blessings.   If we expect for God to bless us, then we must prove to Him that we are capable of taking on that responsibility (Matthew 25:21).

Are you persevering as a good example when guests enter your Christian home?  Certainly at times there are dishes in my sink, cups on the counter, and empty baby food jars next to them.  However, those are temporary instances, and they do not linger for hours, days, and weeks.  I have a busy job to perform, and part of it is caring for and cleaning our home.  We all participate in caring for the home; nonetheless, God has instituted a powerful role for me in the home, which is “To be discreet, chaste, keeper at home, good, obedient to my own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed” (Titus 2:5).  Women liberation would say, “No way am I obeying my husband!”  This attitude is a direct violation of Titus 2:5 and Ephesians 5:22–24.  No one has to obey God’s law, but one day we will answer to our disobedience (Ecclesiastes 12:14).  The spiritual relationships in the church rest on the foundations of good and solid home life.  God expects us to take care of the blessings He provides us, as well as keeping our home presentable (Luke 12:43). 

Are you displaying a good example in your attitude with your children?  Do you live by the standard,  “Do as I say, not as I do?”  A mother shared with me that she gave her son condoms before he went off to college.  She instructed him that intercourse was wrong outside of marriage, however, if he decided to endeavor, she advised him to protect himself against pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.  Let me paraphrase the truth she failed to expose and teach her son.  “I am enabling you to defile God’s law, and let me pay for your irresponsibility of possibly engaging with someone who is not your wife.”  The Bible teaches us how to handle this situation and condoms, birth control, or new age medicine is not the answer.  In 1Corithians 7:1-2, the Bible reads, “Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.  Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.”  Furthermore, it was suggested that you use the condom to avoid diseases and pregnancy risks.  In essence, she was saying, “It’s not the act that is the sin, but it’s the pregnancy.”  We will not make heaven our home because of our disobedience.  The Christian lives their life by a different standard because we have a religion, which is pure, holy and perfect in Christ (James 1:27).  This is the thinking of a double minded individual, which is unacceptable to God (James 1:8).   In being a good example, we must first recognize Christ as our perfect example.  If we are being a light to a dark and lost world, then we must always be the good example, and not be made an example of.  Remember, we should not let our good be evil spoken of (Romans 14:16).   

           This all may seem like a great responsibility to achieve.  Christianity is a great responsibility with even greater rewards.  God does not require anything unreasonable of us (Romans 12:1).  I remember the slogan used for getting individuals to join the Army, “Be all that you can be!”  This is a powerful message, and certainly one that can be incorporated in the mind of a sincere Christian.  Make it your daily habit, hide this in your heart and motivate yourself to be a good example in Christ.