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THE COST I PAID MARRIED TO AN
UNBELIEVER
By Marilyn LaStrape
My husband Joseph and I met in May 1970 in San Diego,
California. We were both in the Marine Corps at that time.
We were married two years later. The first 6 years of our
marriage were rocky because of our religious differences.
Our marriage was solid, but we could not discuss religion at
all without the discussion erupting into a terrible
argument! We had virtually no understanding of each other’s
religious backgrounds. We finally decided avoiding
religious conversations was the best thing to do.
One of my
biggest disadvantages in dealing with this problem was I had
never been taught that it was wrong to marry a
non-Christian, even though I was “brought up” in the Lord’s
church. My unfaithfulness to God at the time further
compounded this problem. I was totally unaware of the
passage in II Corinthians 6:14 which states, “Do not be
unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what
fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what
communion has light with darkness?”
I was soon
to learn that ignorance of God’s word does not eliminate the
consequences of disobedience. I would reap what I had sown;
I would have to return to God in humble repentance; and I
would have to learn from God’s word how to deal with this
problem.
One of the most difficult passages of
scripture for me to embrace by faith was I Peter 3:1;
“Likewise you wives, be submissive to your own husbands,
that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a
word, may be won by the conduct of their wives.” That part
of the verse ‘without a word’ was the part that was
killing me! I had plenty of words to tell him I felt
he needed to hear to get his life together! It took me a
while to come to the spiritual understanding of that verse.
I came to
realize I had to show him that God and the church
came before him. To tell him God’s
expectation of me was to put Him and His kingdom first
was saying and meaning absolutely nothing to him! Several
of my friends who were members of the church could not
understand what the problem was since we “loved” each
other. I found myself trying to explain there was no
correlation between romantic love and having different
religious backgrounds.
My marriage
would have never taken place if I had been in the spiritual
intimate relationship God’s word demands. This intimacy is
our up-close and personal Bible based knowledge of who God
is and what His expectations are of us. I was much like the
prodigal son in the far country. Because I had no spiritual
relationship with God, my marital misery was inevitable. We
loved each other dearly, but this looming problem of our
religious differences would haunt us.
When Joseph
became a Christian in the 6th year of our
marriage, I could hardly believe it, but I was so thankful!
He would later tell me it was due to my perseverance and
example. He further admitted he knew I was right, but he
simply was not ready to make the commitment.
All aspects
of our married life became better because we both finally
had the same spiritual goal for ourselves and our children.
Our relationship truly was transformed from darkness to
light. We have been married now for 34 years. Since his
conversion he has served as both an elder, a deacon, and is
currently serving again as an elder! The convicting power
of the word transformed him into a servant in the Lord’s
church. He is still reminded from time to time of where he
was and where he is now.
Experience
can be a merciless teacher! The chastening of God which is
spoken of in Hebrews 12:3-11, I found to be very exact.
What are the enduring lessons I have learned from the
experience?
Make sure
your relationship with God is as close and pure and strong
as it can possibly be at this stage in your life.
Continuing spiritual maturity is an absolute must
to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Pray to be
filled with the knowledge of God’s will in all wisdom and
spiritual understanding. Prayer calls down the power of God
in any and all situations and those prayers must be in total
trust with no doubting.
Do not
allow yourself to become emotionally involved with anybody
who is not a faithful member of the Lord’s church! Once
your emotions are involved, spiritual reasoning is often
totally ignored; when that happens the Spirit is no longer
leading you.
Do not allow
him to tell you he will become a member if you will marry
him. This type of emotional blackmail serves no useful
purpose whatsoever. It shows he has no understanding of his
need for salvation which has nothing to do with romantic
love.
Do not make
the mistake of thinking you will change him after the
marriage. The preacher’s wife who was my mentor, told me
years ago the only way to change another person is to change
you! It was one of the hardest lessons I ever had to learn!
If and when
he does become a member of the church, continue to observe
his behavior and lifestyle. The motivation for obedience to
the gospel must be rooted in biblical faith. This faith
comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God (Romans
10:17).
As His
children, God wants only the best for us since we are His
constant concern. He instituted the marriage relationship.
Everything we need to know to make that relationship the
absolute best is revealed in His word, which ensures our
happiness.
This article is copyrighted by the author. All Rights Reserved. No part of this article may be reprinted without permission of the author.
©Copyright 2007
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