Sheila and Stan Butt
Sheila is married to Stan Butt. Stan has preached for over 24 years and currently is the preacher for the Water Valley congregation in Santa Fe, TN. Sheila and Stan have three sons, Stan Jr., Cliff and Kyle. All three of their sons are married and are currently preaching and teaching the Gospel. Stan Jr. is the minister for Chapel Hill church of Christ in Chapel Hill, TN. Cliff preaches for the Fairview congregation in Columbia, TN and Kyle is the Director of Biblical Research for Apologetics Press in Montgomery, AL. Sheila and Stan have three grandchildren, Emma, Grace Anne, and Nathan Lane.
Sheila has taught Bible classes for the past 26 years for young children and women of all ages. She has spoken on the Caribbean Lectureship for five years and has taught young ladies at the Horizons Program at Freed Hardeman University for the past ten years. Sheila has traveled abroad teaching ladies in Panama, Honduras and the Caribbean. She has spoken at numerous Ladies' Days, Lectureships and Seminars.
Sheila is a graduate of East Tennessee State University and Bear Valley School of Biblical Studies, Women's program. She has done graduate work in Greek and Hermeneutics at David Lipscomb University.
Sheila has published a book entitled "No Greater Joy" which has been very well received and is often used in Ladies Bible Classes. The book is about raising children who will love the Lord with one chapter dedicated to the husband/wife relationship in Christ.
She and her husband conduct a parenting seminar entitled "No Drums... No Bugles: The Making of a Christian Family," several times a year.
Sheila is currently writing a second book entitled "Seeking Spiritual Beauty ".
I had the pleasure of interviewing Sheila on parenting, romance, and "No Drums...No Bugles". Dwan Reed
Dwan: It is wonderful and unusual to find a family where all the children become ministers. How do you think this came about?
Sheila: The first thing I can tell you is that it did not come about by insisting that they become ministers or constantly encouraging them to do so. It came about because we taught them first of all to love the Lord. When they were very young we spent three years in a School of Preaching where they also learned a love and respect for preachers and for the church. Stan Sr. has been preaching for over 20 years. We had preachers in our home often and the children ate many meals with them and learned to appreciate them. Because I was once deathly afraid to stand up and speak in public, it was very important to me that they learned to speak publicly and with confidence. We entered them in Speech contests with the 4-H, etc. when they were young and worked with them often. They became good speakers. Our oldest son was in Law School at Emory University when his oral arguments began sounding like sermons and he knew that his true love would be preaching. I thank the Lord every day for their love and service to Him.
Dwan: How do you encourage young people to date Christians?
Sheila: You begin at a very early age sending signals to your children about what kind of people they should date. We never said that they HAD to date a Christian, although they knew we preferred it. I have seen many Christian girls, however, that I would not have wanted them to marry. We prayed not that our children would marry Christians, but that they would marry the young lady who would help them and their children get to heaven. The Lord knows better than we do whom our children should marry, so we need to pray often and believe that He will guide our children to the right person. Children need to know that the goal is for your whole family to get to heaven and parents should pray often with their children about this beginning very early in their lives.
Dwan: How do you encourage celibacy in young people?Sheila: We have many ways of encouraging celibacy in young people including studying with them the physically dangerous aspects of premarital sex. It has been our experience, however, that young people who have developed their own personal relationship with the Lord will be able to say, as Joseph did when he was tempted by Potipher’s wife "How can I sin against God?"
Dwan: You mentioned, "One of Satan's greatest strategies is to remove the father from the home." Please speak to this issue and how we can prevent it.Sheila: Satan has used so many blinders on us in removing the father from the home. We are not simply talking about divorce and the physical removal of the father from the home, but also the social and emotional removal of the father image in the home by a mother who believes that she alone understands the children and is in sole charge of their emotional well being. The men in our society in general are confused about their roles because of the feminist movement, and a culture that belittles them constantly. The Biblical pattern of the home needs to be re-taught and understood by men who desire to have Christian homes. They need to be willing to do whatever it takes to follow that model. The man is to be the spiritual head of the home and I believe that it is the woman’s responsibility to help him be that and not be competing with him for that position.
Dwan: Do you have any tips on how to motivate the unmotivated child?
Sheila: Having dealt with unmotivated children myself, I understand this question completely. There were times when I wished that I could just open up their heads and pour some things into them! We understand that motivation has very little to do with intelligence. The most intelligent child in the world may be unmotivated and a much less intelligent child may accomplish more. It helps to find out early what is important to each child and what they like to do the most. This is where it is very important to really KNOW your child . . . and that takes TIME . . . lots of it! We used baseball cards, go-kart rides, money etc. for motivation. Some people do not agree with this, but it worked for us. I am reminded every day that many grown-ups are highly motivated by a paycheck. Yes, we would all like for our children to be internally motivated but many of them just do not come that way! Just keep your priorities in mind. At one point when I was upset about one of our teenage son’s grades he looked at me and said, "Mom, you have always wanted us to be good boys and love the Lord and I am trying to do that. Isn’t that enough?" At that moment I realized that it was enough. Today I am extremely proud of him.
Dwan: Do you have any tips on dealing with teen-age rebellion?
Sheila: I can honestly say that we never had outright teenage rebellion, but I think that is because the boys were afraid of the consequences. On day while driving in the car, one of the boys who was sixteen at the time, asked me what I would do if he did a certain thing which he knew I would detest. I said that I guessed I would spank him. He was over 150 pounds, so he thought that was funny. He said, "What if I run?" I could see now that I had to say something convincing. He knew that I had taken marksmanship in college and that I was a marksman. After thinking about it and praying about it, I said, "Well the Bible says that I have to make you obey me, so I guess I would just have to shoot you in the foot." He did not say another word. It was a long drive. As a matter of fact, he never mentioned that again until three years later. He was home from college and he and I were taking target practice off of our deck. I was not only missing the bulls eye that day, I was missing the whole target. He came up to me, put his big arms around me and said, "Mother, I am glad I never ran from you! You would have killed me! You could never have hit my foot!" We both laugh about it until this day.
Dwan: Sheila, you talked about romance in your book. Do you and Stan have any suggestions on how couples with young children can keep the fire alive amidst the demands of young children and the general lack of energy that goes with this stage in life? Do you have any suggestions on how the couple with children ready to leave home can regain this part of their marriage when they have neglected it for many years?Sheila: There is much more to this subject, and I hope many of you will read my books, but keeping romance and genuine love in your marriage is a matter of will. It is a matter of doing things for your mate even when you really don’t feel like it. It is a matter of really looking at each other and truly listening to each other. Yes, there is a lack of energy when you have young children in the home, but the children should not rule the home and every waking hour in it. There should be routines, schedules with some flexibility and not chaos in the home. There should be a consistent bedtime hour. We used to tell our little boys that they could come in our bed at daylight. Sometimes they would come halfway down the hall, realize it was not daylight and go back to their beds. You and your husband were together before the children and if your marriage is as God would have it, it will be the two of you again when the children are gone. There are many practical ways to keep your love burning, like notes in brief cases or lunches, cards, flowers, dates, etc. You should make use of all of them and work at loving each other. Sex is an important part of marriage and the Bible tells us that we are not to defraud each other. We need to be responsive to each other. Everything runs so much more smoothly in a home in which the husband and wife are sexually satisfied. God knew this. Ladies, that means you didn’t say, "Until the children do us part!"
Dwan: Do you have any suggestions for parents of college-age children that are trying to make the decision whether to send their son or daughter to a Christian vs. a secular university?
Sheila: Parents who are truly concerned about their children picking the mate who will help them get to heaven need to send their children to a Christian University almost without exception. Two exceptions would be if a young person is already engaged to such a person or is married to them. The only third exception I can entertain is if you KNOW WITHOUT A DOUBT that your child will seek out such a person amidst a sea of beautiful sensual worldly people. I have seen too many families who made the decision based on finances, major of study, etc. and regretted it. We told our sons that since we were financially helping them go to college we insisted that they go to a certain University for the first two years. After that, we would consider the circumstances and may come to another decision. Every time, they grew to love the University they were attending and could hardly be dragged away from it. This has worked for many to whom we have suggested it and most of their children felt the same way. Most have come out with Christian mates as well as an education.
Dwan: Sheila, you mentioned in your book how you and Stan have had to make unpopular decisions for the good of your children. Do you all have any encouraging words for parents that are facing criticism from family members, friends, and the world in general because they are making Christian decisions that go against the grain of society? Ex. you mentioned turning off the T.V. when beer commercials came on.
Sheila: This, too, is something that begins at a very early age. Children need to learn early that your family makes decisions in view of eternity and not what anyone thinks. The goal of your home and your family is to please God. They need to see you making those kinds of decisions even when it is unpopular and when it costs you something. When you have modeled this to your children, when you have taught them to love and respect God and the Word of God, this will be much easier for them. Criticism is bearable when a young person has a STRONG supporting family and a firm grip on WHO he/she is and WHOSE he/she is.
Dwan: Why did you and Stan decide to begin giving parenting seminars?
Sheila: Stan and I began teaching Parenting Seminars because we saw a great need to reintroduce parents to the Biblical directives for parenting. Our society has been bombarded with a secular humanism philosophy of parenting and consequently, we have produced a generation of young adults who have no self-discipline because they were never taught loving, imposed discipline.
Dwan: How long have you been conducting "No Drums...No Bugles: The Making of a Christian Family?
Sheila: We have only been conducting this Seminar with that title, for a year. However, we have taught classes of all ages including parenting and marriage classes for the past 15 years. I especially like to teach classes on the Christian Woman’s Role in the Church, in the Home and in the World.
Dwan: What factors make your workshop an asset to families?
Sheila: We have been told by many of our participants that this workshop helps give parents as well as grandparents the motivation and the confidence to teach children in a manner in which God would be pleased. It is designed to help parents raise children who will love the Lord and serve Him. Most of the participants go away feeling more confident as a Christian husband, a wife or a parent.
Dwan: What is the most fulfilling thing about giving your Parenting Seminar and Ladies' Day programs?
Sheila: The most fulfilling thing about teaching others from the Word of God is that you are sharing something that will last for eternity. Anyone can have a "facelift" but it is a very special thing to have a "faithlift." That’s the joy of practicing the will of God and sharing it with others!!
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" No Drums, No Bugles"
Parenting Seminar Topics for 2001