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PROFILE OF A SAINT

Psalms 16:1-3

Preserve me, O God, for in You I put my trust. O my soul, you have said to the LORD, You are my Lord, My goodness is nothing apart from You. As for the saints who are on the earth, They are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight."

 

Margie Johnson

I took this opportunity to discuss with Margie why "death is a promise,  and not a problem".  Margie and Junior's 9 year old son Kevin passed away in1982.

It is evident to anyone that meets Margie that she radiates with God's peace and joy. I wanted to know how a mother can survive the death of a child and continue to be filled with hope and happiness.

I also wanted to know what inspired her to write, "Teaching Spiritual Values from Tots to Teens".

Following is my interview with Margie Johnson:

Dwan: Did you ever get angry and ask God "why me?" when you and Junior lost Kevin?

Margie: No because I had already resolved that death is a reality. When Kevin died there was no denial. I realized who am I to get angry with God. Job lost everything. God was proud of Job and his faith. I felt that God was using me, not abusing me. I felt that God had an assignment for me. I always thought about what would I do if God took my family. I decided ahead of time how I would handle death.

I know some Christians may think it is impossible or even sounds cold or paranoid to plan ahead or be prepared should one of our children die. But 2 Corinthians 5:1-9 teaches God's people are a prepared people. In fact, I was married with two children before I became a Christian and the first thing I noticed was how we were always singing songs at Church about dying and going to heaven, but yet dreading, even devastated over the thought should it really ever happen! Maybe I am too much of a realist, but inside I felt hypocritical. I knew if my family was bound for the Promise Land, we needed to be unbound by the world. I wanted to be like those 1st Century Christians. They knew who they were, why they were here and where they were going. I wanted to be like 1 Thessalonians 4:13, where it says not to be ignorant (or uninformed or unprepared,) so we wouldn't grieve like those with no hope. My motherly grip started loosening. My fear started subsiding. My faith was finally free to see the beauty in what could become a Christ-like bereavement, "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints." (Psalms 116:15) In fact, that scripture is engraved not only in my heart, but we put it on our son's headstone.

Satan wants us to be angry and have no hope. The world says that when a loved one dies we pass through the stages of denial, anger, bargaining, withdrawal, and then "forced" acceptance.  I Thessalonians 4:13 tells us " But we do not want you to be uninformed, brethren, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve, as do the rest who have no hope." Christians do not grieve as the world grieves. The Christian can replace denial with reality, anger with appreciation, bargaining with God with believing in God, withdrawal with a wedding (the Bride of Christ), and "forced" acceptance with willing acceptance.

The acceptance that I have is so much different than the world's. I have met alot of people who have come to a forced acceptance. Abraham had a willing acceptance when in obedience to God he took Isaac to a mountain in the land of Moriah to offer him as a sacrifice (Genesis.22).

Dwan: What enabled you and Junior to keep your marriage together through the loss of Kevin?

Margie: Often when parents lose a child the focus is on the mother. The father tries to be strong. I didn't want my husband to be "superman". I wanted him to be real. I had to share myself with my husband after Kevin died. When you are a wife, you are obligated to attend to your husband. You also need to attend to your other children! I am reminded of a girl who told me, "When my sister died, I started hating her. She took my parents away from me because all they did was grieve over her and forgot me.

I realized that Kevin had 3 vital roles: brother, mother-son, and father-son. Travis, Junior, and I each had to cross our own "land-minds" (events that triggered the remembrance of Kevin). For example: Because Travis and Kevin were extremely close as brothers, and even though they had their separate bedrooms, they still slept together. After Kevin died, it was important that Junior and I respected the tough times Travis had troubling him. At night, we could crawl in bed and hold each other, but when Travis went to bed, his best friend was gone! And the same when he walked home from the school bus stop or looked at the unfinished fort they were building and the list goes on. 

Whenever I came upon one of Kevin's favorite recipes, or saw a child run up and give their mother a chimpanzee hug, or noticed restaurants have only table settings for the all-American-family-of-four, like we use to be. Never is there a table set for three. It hurts to trip over these facts and feel your emptiness. My husband suffered his "land-minds" through an entirely different relationship that related to taking Kevin fishing, hiking, playing basketball, finding the last campfire they built together, teaching him to lead songs at Church or finding his little tool box. He was just learning how to remove a tire from the motorcycle. And Junior stumbling upon these reminders caught him off-guard, exploding an unmerciful pain in the core of his heart. And it was important that I be there for him, as he was to hold me.

Holding hurt all by our self is a lonely place to be. In fact, there is an old Swedish proverb, "When we share a joy with someone it is doubled, but when we share a hurt, it is halved." To be a healthy, balanced, grieving family, to prevent our children from becoming dysfunctional, and to prevent a divorce, it is vital we respect each other's grief. I don't know if you knew it but 80% of parents get divorced after the death of a child. We didn't need another loss. So we worked at having home a safe place to grieve and we shared in each other's sorrow.

Junior, Travis and I all have the hope of heaven. We talk about Kevin like he is still alive ... because he is! He has a spiritual life. I remember after Kevin died we told Travis that eventually we would remove things from Kevin's bedroom, but until then he was welcome to take anything he wanted to keep. (First, I have to tell you, the day all this happened to Kevin, I bought each the boys a bag of Corn-Nuts and Kevin never finished his). Well, now that Travis was welcome to anything in Kevin's bedroom, he came running out holding that unfinished bag of Corn-Nuts exclaiming, "Look what I found! Kevin musta' been trying to hide these from me, because I found them way back in his drawer, in the toe of his sock." Travis started munching them, saying, "And I don't feel bad even eatin' em' because I know where Kevin is; he has lots letter things than me now!"

What Travis imagined Kevin's new home to be, we weren't quite sure, but we knew we liked his attitude. Our believing Kevin was still alive and better off made all the difference in our grief.

Dwan: If anything you could tell families on preparing for death, what would it be?

Margie: To live everyday with those you love like it will be the last. For the way we live with those we love affects the way we will grieve over them after they are gone. So live with as few regrets as humanly possible. I think if we lived with this philosophy, we'd be parents who'd find more patience and spend more time with our children and grandchildren. We'd value the gift they are from God. And knowing we could lose our mate in our marriage any day, would make us value time more. We'd not spend time fussing over the "piddley" things. We would keep the honeymoon happening! All around, we'd live much better and more meaningful lives, because the reality of death is a great teacher. All of us know that from every time we walk away from a funeral.

Dwan: Margie, there are a lot of books out there dealing with losing a child. What would you say makes yours different?

Margie: Several things. This is not just a book for parents who have lost a child. Readers will replace my child for who has been dear to them, whether it was a parent, sibling or dear friend they lost. Also this is not just a sad story about a little boy who died. Certainly, there are sad parts and tears do come, but Kevin was a funny and energized little boy that made us laugh a lot, so I share tasteful humor. Hope is prevalent in this book. Hopelessness, despair and devastation aren't possible feelings on these pages. And lastly, I am proud to say there is a tinge of a romance. That is important! Because I could have never crawled in bed at night and made love with my husband, if I thought my child was laying in a cold, cold ground decaying. Instead, I knew my Lord had a home in heaven, and gave my son a room in a mansion that was meeting his every need. I knew Kevin was still alive, living in a warm, glowing surrounding. He was encompassed by such a great love that we humans don't yet comprehend. So why would I feel selfish for his leaving? He was with his Creator, who loved him even more than I did ... and therefore that made it all right. So, an unending hope, tasteful humor and a tinge of romance make this book different.

Dwan: What inspired you to write "Teaching Spiritual Values from Tots to Teens"?

Margie: My precious daughter-in-law, Charele, suggested that I write the book after hearing me relate many of the practical lessons that I taught my sons growing up. She said that her parents would have read a book like this.

Dwan:  How do Christian parents stay focused on their God-given responsibility to teach their children from morning until night (Deut. 6:6,7) in a world with so many obligations?

Margie: As Christian parents we need to first ask ourselves ... What really are my obligations?  Sit down and list them according to priority.  Just the word Christian parent should tell us our top 2 or 3 priorities are God, mate (if married) and children.  Everything else; job, church work, sports, community work and whatever else has to come under that or we have a priority problem.

It helps to stay focused on our priorities when we realize how fragile life is.  For instance: We've all heard how no one on their death bed ever felt guilty for not spending more time at work or regretted not having more things or possessions ... but relationships are what dying people desire.  Now continue being realistic ... What if it is one of our children dying on that bed?  What would mean the most to us?

When our nine year old son, Kevin, lay dying in ICU, we weren't dreading he won't get to finish sports.  Neither were we desiring to buy more things or possessions for him.  Memories that we made with him were what mattered.  So, reality is, life can be fleeting.  Therefore let us prioritize our obligations.  When God gave us the obligation to train our children spiritually, I think He knew how much we would reap in a relationship with our children and make wonderful memories.

Dwan: How does one get time in this busy world to teach like Deuteronomy 6:5-7 says ... from morning until night?

This book is a collection of "magical moments"!
These are power packed and guaranteed ways for parents, grandparents, home-schoolers, and Bible class teachers to crawl into the heart of their children, grandchildren, and students.

Do you want to make an impact? Then this book is a must.

For order information -http://www.christianfamilyandvalues.faithweb.com 

Our personal experience of suddenly losing our son, Kevin. This is not just a sad story of our little boy dying but a story anchored in hope. Tasteful humor and a tinge of romance make the reading relatable.

This book makes a great gift for every griever.

For order information - http://www.christianfamilyandvalues.faithweb.com

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More "Profile of a Saint"

Kathryn Lauderdale - Christian mother - click here

Nita Hammersmith - Speaker

and Writer - click here

 

Kris Harker - Military Wife - click here

 

Alwanda Carothers, Missionary Wife for

Guyana, South America - click here

Clara Hinton, grief counselor 
and author of "Silent Grief" - click here

Margie Johnson discussing her books "Teaching Spiritual Values from 
Tots to Teens" and "Death Is A Promise, 
Not a Problem". - click here

Lynn and Jerry Jones discussing 
Marriage Matters - click here

Sheila Keckler Butt and 
"No Greater Joy"- click here

 

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