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How
To Put The Romance Back Into Your Marriage
By: Nita Hammersmith |
When you first started to
date and you were all alone with your spouse it was
easy to cuddle and do romantic things together. You had fun
being together
because everything was and adventure, new, and fresh. How did
your husband
treat you then? Mine took me to Laguna Beach, a wonderful
seaside town in
California. We had lunch and walked on the beach. He would get
excited (in
that unique embarrassing way if you know what I mean) in
crowds, or just
looking at me. It made me feel so special. He would call me
two or three
times a day and after over twenty years of marriage he still
does. Maybe your
marriage started out with lots of fun days and wonderful
things to do. Maybe
things are still wonderful for you or maybe that is what life
use to be like
before the kids started to come along. With every new child
comes an
assortment of things to do for your new bundle of joy. You
become the taxi,
the bus driver, the baby sitter, the cook, the mother, the
disciplinarian,
the nurse, the Suzy be quick homemaker. There seems to be no
time in that
schedule for romance.
Let's stop and look at the important ingredient that has
somehow gotten lost
in the shuffle. Your mate!! Not too many years ago you
promised to love,
honor, and cherish one another. He promised to love, honor,
and keep you in
sickness and in health till death do you part. But the one
thing lacking in
the formula of promises was to always keep your piece of the
pie. In all the
hustle and bustle the one thing you and your husband don't
have is each
other. The marriage is strained and you are at your wits end
of what to do
about it. I learned this answer from Jack Exum many years ago
and I have
never forgotten it. The answer is - GET YOUR PIECE OF THE PIE!
Get a piece of paper and draw a circle. Do it now! Then draw
lines through it
as if you were slicing a piece of pie or a piece of pizza.
Now, put a line
out from each piece you have drawn. On those lines write all
of the things
that you do in a day. For example: Get breakfast ready for the
family, get
the children off to school, do the dishes, go grocery
shopping, go to the
mall to get that dress for your daughters recital at school,
cook dinner, go
to Bible class, help the children with their homework, bathe
the children,
read them a story, put them to bed, clean up the dinner dishes
and pick up
the house a little, take a bath or shower, study your Bible
long enough to
read one sentence, and climb into bed exhausted. Sound
familiar?
STOP EVERYTHING! Draw another circle. Pencil in a special time
in your day
for your husband and you to be with each other. It doesn't
have to be having
sex, though that is nice, but it does have to be just with
him. Make it a
life or death matter and you will find the time to be with
your husband. By
the way, it is a life or death matter. It is the life or death
of your
marriage. Because when the children are gone if you have lost
everything
special in your relationship with him you will really suffer -
he may just
not be there for you anymore or you for him.
When we marry, we marry for life. If you are to have that life
together you
need to keep a special time for the two of you everyday. If
you do nothing
but sit together and hold each other; you need that time. And
guess what? He
needs that time too.
Call him at work and make a date right now. If he is busy have
him tell you a
good time to call him back. Tell him it is important, because
it is. If you
are afraid to leave the children alone, then you will have to
do your special
things with them around. They will get a kick out of it and
love it as much
as you do, because children feel good when their parents are
happy together.
Give him a kiss and watch them giggle. My grandchildren giggle
when my
husband kisses me, and he does it because he likes watching
them giggle. It
is healthy for the children because it makes them feel secure
about you. I
also gives them a model of what married life is, happy and
wonderful.
If you are afraid to leave them alone and you know someone who
can watch them
once or twice a week I say - GET OVER IT!! Call that person
and give romance
a chance.
There are plenty of teenage girls at church who would love to
earn some money
watching your little darlings. Put them to bed and you and
your husband go
for a ride, out to dinner, and simply be together like you did
when there was
romance in the air.
If you insist on having the children underfoot then change
things around a
little. When you get up in the morning to fix breakfast and
get ready for the
day. Put dinner in a crock pot so you don't have to worry
about fixing it
later. Meet your husband for lunch. Prepare him a lunch at
home, or when you
pack his lunch put a note in it that says honey I love you. He
will be
surprised that you are romancing him. Your romancing him just
may spark a
flame in him and he will begin fanning the flames for you. If
he buys lunch
then while he is asleep put a note in his wallet that says how
you feel put
on some lipstick and kiss the note so it gets his attention.
If you make the
extra effort he will too.
If you like to walk, go for a walk with him and talk about the
things you
would like to do for him or with him. A half an hour walk can
become a
cherished time that you spend together. "As the saying
goes, where there is a
will there is a way." Find your way.
In the evening when you have finished your bath and he is
relaxing in front
of the television slide next to him with a tray of grapes,
cheese, and
crackers. Walk in front of him with that sexy negligee on. You
will have his
undivided attention, but if he is watching TV then stand in
front of it and
as you lick your lips TURN IT OFF!! Getting the romance back
into your
marriage is work and if you have already prepared him by
saying you are going
to make changes and you want him to cooperate - he will.
You have a sister, a friend, a girl friend at church -
impose on one of them
to watch the children and do the wild thing, I mean "Rock
his world!"
If you like to cook this is the time to really show your
stuff. Pay special
attention to the meals make them colorful and inviting. A
piece of parsley or
a touch of red bell pepper is not too expensive and it looks
amazing on a
plate fixed just for him. The idea is to have him look at it
and say, wow
honey this looks great.
My husband surprised me and wowed me on our 20th wedding
anniversary. He took
me to Laguna Beach, the beach community where we were when we
had our first
meal together. He rented a room by the sea. We were close
enough to walk on
the beach. We were able to hear the waves coming into the
shore all night.
After taking me to a fabulous dinner we laid together and
watched, then
listened to the sound of the waves. It was wonderfully
romantic.
A few years later on his birthday I decided to do him one
better. I prepared
steak and prawns, with macaroni and cheese, asparagus sautéed
in garlic with
lemon zest and thin slices of red bell pepper, and ice tea. We
have a nice
family room with a fire place so I lit the fire and put six
candles around
the room and turned out the lights. I bought a CD of "the
sea" and I put it
on after I had walked him with his eyes closed up the stairs
to wait until I
was ready.
The table was set elegantly with table cloth, linen napkins,
china and
candles. I asked him to come down and join me and he was
dazzled! I never
knew a man could be electrified as much as women are when we
are surprised,
but he was and we both loved it.
Be creative is what I am trying to say. Do something that you
know he will
like. Ease yourself back into romantic interludes with your
man. Read the
book of Solomon in the Bible the fourth chapter when he talks
about her lips
dropping sweetness as the honeycomb. Milk and honey are under
her tongue.
Read it. It expresses their love making and every inch of her
body. We
studied it in a marriage class years ago and we found it very
titillating.
You belong to your husband and he to you…never deny him
unless by agreement.
Proverbs 5: 18-19 (NKJV) says, "Let your fountain be
blessed and rejoice with
the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe,
Let her breast
satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her
love." Sit and
read these scriptures to your husband. Read also: 1 Peter 3:
7, and 1
Corinthians 7: 3-5. Marriage should be honored. Rekindle
the playful
happiness you had as newly weds. Never forget to play as we do
when we become
mothers and fathers to our children. I'm up in years and still
tell my
husband that I have no panties on, or call him and tell him to
meet me in the
bedroom when he gets home. Remember always, to love your
husband and keep a
special place for each other, keep your piece of the pie as
you put the
romance back into your marriage.
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Nita is interested in receiving feedback regarding this article. If you would like to comment, please contact her at nita@christianmirror.com
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This
article is copyrighted by the author. All Rights Reserved. No
part of this article may be reprinted without permission of the
author. ©Copyright
2001
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