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The Journey into and through Widowhood
(Part 1)
By Elaine Cook, Founder of
Widow2Widow
Lord, what am I to do? How do I take care of all that needs to be done since
Stan's death? I feel my heart is broken and it will never be whole again. How
do I become both parents to my young son? How will I manage financially?
These were just some of the questions I had when I was 37 years old and
suddenly found myself as a young widow and single mother.
In January 2000, we were in the process of moving to TN. My husband Stan, and
our 11-year-old son Tyler had made their final trip to Nashville after six
weeks of separation with Stan in one state, and us in another trying to
finalize our checklists to make this move happen.
They called when they arrived at our empty home in TN and my husband and I
spoke for what seemed to be a very long conversation. Stan was so full of
life and excited to have his family back together again and by Friday, I would
be arriving along with the movers to settle down in yet another state
unfamiliar to us. Stan spoke about his trip with Tyler and how much Tyler
seemed to have changed in those past six weeks. Stan did this little thing
with his nose when he would become emotional (as if it were to hide the fact
that this 6'3" former Marine was something other than a teddy bear). This
was our last conversation and I was and still am thankful for the sweetness
and excitement of the moment that is to last me a lifetime.
A couple of hours later after packing I had fallen asleep to be woken up by a
panic attack (I didn't know at the time this is what it was). My chest hurt
and I sat up quickly to catch my breath and I heard Stan's voice tell me
everything was going to be okay. Moments later, the phone rang. I looked at
the caller id and it was our house in Nashville. I answered the
phone and the voice on the other end was not my husband, it was a police
officer telling me that our son had called 911 and I needed to get to
Nashville as soon as possible.
During the trip that took several hours, I prayed and prayed, not for my
husband, because I knew in my heart he did not survive. My prayers were for
my son because we did not know one soul in this state and he was there alone
with strangers looking after him.
By early morning, I arrived at the hospital and there was the hospital staff
standing, just waiting to tell me the grim news. I asked to see my son, and
as I walked into the room where he was sound asleep, my heart just broke as I
kissed him on the forehead, not knowing what he experienced the past few
hours.
The hospital officials then took me into another room as I waited to see the
doctor. The last time I sat in a room like this, was eight years to the day
prior when I was given the news the doctor and staff did everything they
could, but my Dad did not survive his massive heart attack.
I sat there, and they tried to give me the news on my husband and I remember
interrupting them and asking the question if he had survived and was it a
heart attack. Stan was to be 46 years old the next week. They finally began to
fill me with the knowledge of the evening and as I stood up, the nurse then
told me that my husband had died in the arms of our son, and our son did not
know.
I asked to see my husband, and as they took me down this long corridor, the
hallway seemed to get longer and longer with each step. Finally, we came into
a room where he lay, and I was told I could not touch him. But, a nurse
whispered in my ear and said for me to go ahead and touch his hair. I kissed
my husband goodbye and then I went to be with my son and to tell him the
news. As a parent, this has been the hardest thing for me to ever tell my
child.
We were in such unfamiliar territory we didn't even know how to get back to
our new house when Tyler and I left the hospital. We walked in the new house
and all the evidence of the events just hours before was still evident on the
floor from where the paramedics had worked on my husband and where he died.
The emotional pain and realization of what my son must have gone through was
almost unbearable.
We sat on the hearth, because our furniture was in another state and Tyler
asked me what were we going to do because we had to be out of our other house
by the end of the week. I told him we would have to pray because I didn't
know what else to do. Praying was something we didn't do much of.
Prayers began to be answered that very day including where we were to reside.
Tyler and I felt that staying in TN was our pathway to something else, so we
have remained.
We remained because I knew in my heart there was a reason we were here and we
needed to find another way of life. I was not left a wealthy widow in fact, I
was left with nothing but debt and our beautiful son.
A few weeks after settling into Nashville, something grabbed hold of me and
wouldn't let go. After lots of prayer and time in the Word, it came to me to
start a ministry for Widow's.
"But, I am just an accountant"...was my thought, but you know...God will take
your circumstance and use it for His Glory if you will allow Him to.
Ecclesiastes 1:18 "For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge,
the more grief."
To this point, I had suffered so many losses in my life. I was ready for God
to use me, regardless as to what it was because I felt the uncertainty
couldn't be as bad as what I was feeling at the time. God has equipped me
with everything that I have needed to survive and to share with others that
you can get through this journey.
Elaine Cook
Widow2Widow
7777 Concord Road
Brentwood, TN 37027
Widow2Widow@brentwoodbaptist.com
(615)850-3176
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